After my superior was fired, I still had more surviving to do

From Unsplash

Surviving grey rape

According to the law of consent in Canada, it qualified as a type of sexual assault and rape in addition to sexual harassment because consent was never established when he penetrated me. And the offense did not need to involve his sex organ for me to be traumatized by non-consensual penetration.

It was my one and only night of reckless…

My boss got inside my mind and body, so I got inside his past.

From Unsplash.

How he got inside of me

That was me on July 1, 2019, in Las Vegas, Nevada.

I was with my boss on a business trip.

Naive and inexperienced, I got myself drunk thinking he would take care of me. He did the night before when we were with a group of customers. Why didn’t he when we were alone?

I was 29 years old. Sexually inexperienced. Only 10 months of drinking experience. He knew all of it.

We operated as a good team…

Know your rights before you walk in and ask for an investigation even if the law doesn’t recognize unintentional rape

From Unsplash. Credit: Tim Rüßmann.

I was drunk. I felt pleasure. And I never said no. The three worst things to tell a police officer when you are reporting sexual assault if you want to be taken seriously.

But I am an honest woman.

A year ago, I woke up from a drunken sexual experience that left me confused and mentally feeling violated. After a lot of work and research, I realized that my experience is classified as unintentional rape. You can read all the details in How Sexual Harassment Impacted My Life and Drunken One Night Stand or Sexual Assault? Limbo sucks.

I have…

His desire for a one-night stand combined with my naivety turned into rape.

From Unsplash.

Sexual harassment in the workplace is costly for the survivor. It has a long-term psychological and emotional impact that no dollar amount can truly compensate for the life-changing emotional injury. I speak from experience.

You simply cannot understand the pain until you have lived through it.

Men are typically the ones who commit this type of professional crime. Between the gender inequalities and the unrecognized power differential between a manager and an employee, female subordinates are vulnerable and male managers are often clueless.

My boss was no different.

How It Happened

Because drunk sex is actually sexual assault.

Waking up the next morning.

A year ago, I woke up from a night of sexual activity that happened while I was under the influence.

For it to happen while I was drunk to the point of blacking out, it was truly a terrifying experience when I woke up the next day.

It was terrifying not because of the sex, but because I had lost control due to the alcohol on that night and he just kept going. I couldn’t figure out what his intention was or the meaning behind the sex. …

Stop the shame and secrecy surrounding sexual assault

Since I was sexually assaulted, I have had at least three people tell me to keep a low profile about the incident.

It did not help me at all to hear that.

We need to talk about it in order to heal. We need to let people know that this happened. We need validation. We need our voice back after it was taken away.

We don’t need more shame and secrecy by being told that we should keep our stories hidden and tucked away.

Silence is deadly.

Survivors of sexual trauma feel a lot pain from the silence and the shame.

The shame of having put oneself into a vulnerable situation.
The fear of not being believed.
The fear of losing relationships, careers, and reputation if they come out with their story.

I experienced all of the above.

It is a delicate balance between reclaiming your own voice for healing and overcoming the shame that you somehow let it happen to you.

The shock. The denial. The confusion. My expectation of him did not match the reality of him.

I remember feeling so trapped…

Feels like your mind is at war with itself.

“There is no hierarchy in suffering. Your trauma cannot be compared to someone else’s trauma. If it’s trauma for you, it’s real.” — Oprah

For so long I feared that my PTSD would become permanent.
For so long I feared that I would always feel the waves of anger and fear coming back without warning.
For so long I thought I would never be myself again.

But today — this week — I made huge progress. I finally have an end date to my therapy.

I seriously thought this day would never come. It was only last week that I…

After coming out of a sexual encounter that pegged me into limbo, I confided in four male friends who helped me begin an incredibly painful process to find truth, validation, and healing.

I was in limbo for three reasons. First, alcohol was involved and I woke up with a partial memory that left me feeling incredibly confused about that night with him. Second, he was my boss, which meant that he had every responsibility to take care of me when I got drunk, and even if he had made a mistake, it was his job to address the situation with…

“If you catch your mind and heart at war, it is your worth, the mind is fighting for.” — Ventum

How do I classify what I went through?

My heart tells one story. But my mind speaks another.

Countless women — and some men too — have woken up from drunken sexual encounters that don’t feel quite right but don’t have a word to label it.

I am one of them. Just six months of drinking and shit happened.

Drinking too much and drinking irresponsibly has consequences. My consequence was PTSD and depression. And a fractured relationship.

I drank in…

Jac Story

A survivor of PTSD from alcohol-related sexual harassment and assault. Reclaiming her voice and power through truth and storytelling.

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